Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
