I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
