It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
