Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
