I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
