Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
