haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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