Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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