Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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