Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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