I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This baby is an asshole
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
