Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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