remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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