drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
