I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
