just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
false alarm, still single
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize