It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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