Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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