I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
