I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
