He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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