It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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