do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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