if you like me you must not know who I am
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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