Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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