Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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