you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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