Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
