I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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