where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
