i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
