Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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