her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
