; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you didnt know i had herpes?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
