Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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