I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i out mim tonsoeep
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