Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
