sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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