Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You pole danced in your parka.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
