he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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