You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
