I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
