Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
