Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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