I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize