Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
