forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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