why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
