Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
