Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
