Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I need to stop coming to work sober
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
