Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
