The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
