I think I won the penis lottery.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You took a bar mat shot.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
