Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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