I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
