dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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