she takes plan B like it's going out of style
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
