I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
