Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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