Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
