i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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