o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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