Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize