our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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