it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
