Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
