His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
