Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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