I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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