we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
