she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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