I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
