Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I FOUND THE LEGS
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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