Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
