Sponge bath it is.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
