It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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