after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you had me at cake vodka
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
