i was born a porn star she said
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
