My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
