He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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