note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
