Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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