im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
