12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
