i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
