Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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