I like my sex mixed with concussions.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
