I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
