best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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