atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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