It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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