Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
