Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
