Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
