Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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