My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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