I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
