if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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