guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
