I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Damn victory sex feels great
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize