$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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