i used baking grease as lip gloss
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
