You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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