And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
